A story was told to me...

Three Feathers walked down a path.  One he had known his whole life.  The same path his ancestors walked.  He knew the curves, grass, leaves, and bumps.  On this day he noticed the bumps were tree stumps.  Three Feathers stopped and bent down to one of these stumps.  He began to really look at the stump.  It was strong.  It bounded out of its earth to help its tree. 

Three Feathers stood up after a while and noticed the path had changed.  It was the same path, but it was somehow different.  So different, the curves seemed much stronger and more directing.  The grass waved to him playfully as he passed.  He was not alone on this path. 

Three Feathers was never alone again. 

This story showed me that the simple things which go unnoticed can give us the greatest strength.  

Simple thoughts

I often ask myself where did that come from or where did my mind go wrong? Haven't you asked yourself the same thing. These little moments of the unexplained lead to great discoveries. Open your your heart and your minds eye. Know the truth that you seek. Ask the right questions... am I the right person to give advice, who knows for sure, but it seems to keep coming out of me so I will keep giving. I am still a grade-schooler learning how to write in the great big world. I am trying my best. And like all children I am making mistakes. Some big and some small, but all seem like the end of the world. Maybe one day, when I'm Older, it wont seem so bad.

To all you grade-schoolers out there... lets stop playing hide and seek and go jump on a merry-go-round. Spin and spin till we are too dizzy to do anything but laugh! Remind ourselves that life is not to be taken quite so seriously.

Send it out there, Be brave

Send it out there that wonderfulness that is you. Send it to the world, blind them. Show your colors layers and depth. The light sparkles through is what I am talking about. Wake up and smile for you are alive and clever. Remember these late night meetings are one way to connect forever. So proud are your ancestors they come to you in dreams and happenstance. They love you. So when it gets tough be brave, know there are those who stand by you even when you feel alone. There is always someone there silently guiding you. Someone who already knows your layers and loves you for them even your darkest and deepest. In time, you will understands these ravings more clearly than now. Observe everything. See. Decide and be brave. Because when you SEE, the ones that don't will try to undermine that Sight. Know your Truth and Be Brave!

Lately I have taken to stream thought writing. This is my latest that needed to be sent out to the world and of course my loves.

Fireflies

So often we determine our present from our past. It is true the past is what gives us shape and helps us become ourselves of today. But do we relive, worry, or constantly suffer the mistakes of our past? Do you call up a wronged person and confess thirty years later because you feel bad? Does one lie soil you forever? Does a heartbreak ever mend? We suffer for money, things, lifestyle so to speak. When do you stop and realize you suffer for nothing? Will you see the firefly in your life? That glowing spark that is in the corner of your eye that only you can see? The one that tells you all the answers to all your questions. Stop, Just stop. Sit and focus. Not on your technology, not on the sounds of all the modernness surrounding you, but on that firefly. Catch it in your minds eye. Ask it if the past mistakes are the only thing you should base your self worth on? No. There is more to you than mistakes. Oh there is so much more. In each moment you create memories good, bad, and boring. But its really those little boring ones that define you. The ones that neither cause stress or relief. They just are. The amazing thing about those is that they are so abundant and so overlooked. They are what you need to face the good and the bad. They help heal and guide you. So when you fall back to the worry. The bad is not All they will remember. The good is not all there will be... Because there will be so many of the boring. They are sands that fill the hourglass of your life. Each so individual and beautiful yet all so plain. :) Smile. Love. Enjoy the here and now. Oh... enjoy the fireflies! They make life interesting.

Adult Education

Again in front of my computer noticing the everything and nothing all at once. Listening to a favorite song from my childhood... I realize... When do you learn to be an adult? Let's just stop a minute and think... It wasn't when we first spoke or walked or even had sex. That was not the moment. Not our first drink or our experience with death. So When?

I find myself thinking of this because of the many interactions I have had of late mostly with younger generations... not that I see myself as THAT old I still have much to learn myself... I deal with the infant who truly knows nothing but their needs and cries for each and every one... I deal with the child who knows there is more but cannot really comprehend the more and falls back to crying for their needs... I deal with the young adult so sure of all their needs and so self righteous that they demand all other conform to their point of view and when that is not met... they cry, well shout... And the not yet grown grownup who demands solidarity and yet requires assistance and when it is not given they no longer cry... they sulk... And the elderly who have seen almost all and know so much and yet act as tho they know so little, such wonderful teachers,... They have more needs than before and feel ashamed and cry... We shame them because we become afraid of them... And there is me... the somewhere between grownup... believing I have grown up and become an adult trying to keep a steady supply of tissues and compassion. And when I fail as will happen, I weep.

So where is this "Adult Education"? When do we learn to stop being completely selfish and learn that we have to help others? When do we learn true sacrifice? There is just so much that makes us adult and yet childlike. Why is it the hurt can cause us to wail and become the small child who is getting chided by a favorite parent? Or the Anger that Rages so hot it is as if you will never feel calm again. Are you an adult when you truly realize you make mistakes and do not know everything? When you forgive those who hurt you because you know they are wounded? When your rage becomes tears? Are you an adult when you realize that right here and right now is the best? I wish I knew the answer I only know the search.

I share this because today of all days has been an extraordinarily trying one, filled with tantrums, arguments, and misunderstandings. Yet the love I feel for these people still flows strong. Why is it I can forgive the wrongdoer and kiss their wounds? Why when only a short time ago I was filled with such rage? Why... because simply... I am They and They are Me. We all have been there or will soon be. Maybe that is the only real Adult Education. "Believe it or not There IS life after High School."

Its Just Another New Year's Eve

Hello my lovelies,

As Barry Manilow says it so well... "Its Just another New Year's Eve, Another night like all the rest." Happy New Year. Another gone and with so little fanfare. But what an amazing one, My honey finally published his book. My girls are now becoming. My little family unit is consolidating. And yet...how often I have thought of my mother this year.

Mom... I seem to miss her more and more. I am slowly understanding all the hardships she went through and how much she hid from me. Each hardship was an adventure. Each move or strife a choice not consequence. I often miss her guidance. I hear Barry Manilow, her favorite singer, when I am confused or concerned about something and I feel her presence. I wonder if this is true for all people? Does everyone have something, music or movie or familiar taste or smell, that will bring comfort as if a hug from a dead loved one?

Things are tough all over they say. It was always tough with Mom. She hardly had enough to make the ends meet. This year was to be a small affair with little in the way of presents but full of love. I was kind of excited to share this with my girls teach them more about love than gifts... To our surprise we had a visit from Santa. Boy were my girls thrilled. I just wonder what if and can I be like Mom. Can I spin any new threat to be an adventure... huh.

I remember the changing of the year to 2000. My weren't we all paranoid. Bought too much food, stocked up on wild survival stuff... And then it was "just another New Year's Eve" with all the fireworks...all the drinking... all the food and all the FIREWORKS... lol ummmm.... welll..... :) Mmmmn Yeah, This year we watched as other people sent fireworks to the sky and played board games and made homemade dip and drank sparkling grape juice. The simplicity was heartwarming. It gave me new hope.

I can honestly say that I know tomorrow I will not be alone and my family will still be there and we will still continue to love each other. Its an amazing feeling loving each other. We are not always happy. We don't always agree, but we have love.

My youngest says to me "Mommy, Love is the most important thing right?" I respond, "Yes, baby... Love your family, friends and self." She smiles and adds "And dogs and cats and babies... Mommy? Do I have to love spiders?" I laugh and kiss her on her head for by this point she has usually crawled up in my lap. "I love you." I say...

"Its just another New Year's Eve, Its just another Auld Lang Syn, But When we are through this New Year, You'll See will be just fine."

Thank you Mom... Happy New Year Everyone. And If you haven't said I love you to someone you love yet this year! That should be your Resolution! Don't let anyone Forget they are loved!